By Our Resident Nosy Parker
In what could easily pass as the plot of a low-budget local soap opera or the lost script of Papa Shirandula, Ruaka residents were treated to a real-life episode of Love, Lies & Lingerie when a man allegedly masquerading as a woman was smoked out—mid-session—by the boys in blue.
According to reports (and a lot of suspicious snickering in the apartment corridors), the neighbors had long suspected that “Skyler Njeri,” the mysterious lady always in a black buibui and rocking suspiciously deep vocals, might not exactly be what she seemed. But no one expected that behind the tinted windows of that Ruaka bedsitter was a blossoming… business.
Police, acting on a tip-off—or maybe just sheer curiosity—stormed the premises ready to pounce. But lo and behold! Before they could say “open up!”, a knife came flying through the window like a poorly aimed ninja star. Officers ducked like World Cup strikers dodging accountability and took cover behind potted plants and prado doors.
After hours of what witnesses described as “negotiation, persuasion, and a whole lot of confusion,” officers finally breached the love nest. Inside, they found one Simon Chomba a.k.a. Skyler Njeri in full buibui glam, alongside a visibly startled gentleman identified as Michael Isiaho, who—judging by the lack of trousers—was allegedly deep in a horizontal construction project using the exit door (we’ll let you decode that one).
The offending knife was recovered and kept as an exhibit, possibly to be entered into the records under Sharp Objects Used in Awkward Situations. The two were promptly escorted to Kiambu Police Station, where Chomba reportedly rolled their eyes and declared:
“Afande, sikujua mkundu yangu ni mali ya serikali!”
Chomba, it turns out, is no stranger to the limelight. Sources claim this is the same character previously busted in Kasarani for spicing up massage sessions with surprise robberies. Call it Body Rub with a Twist.
But this arrest has ignited more than just gossip. Some netizens and Nairobi barstool lawyers are already arguing that this might be a textbook case of over-policing and an infringement on personal freedoms. “Wearing a dera in your own house? Since when did that become a crime?” asked one activist, while another quipped, “If loving a man in a buibui is wrong, then I don’t want to be right.”
Whether this was a case of fraud, love, survival economics, or simply a misunderstood bedroom escapade gone wrong, we may never know. But one thing’s for sure—Ruaka has stories, and our tea cup is full.
As for Simon a.k.a. Skyler? Well, let’s just say the gender-fluid Casanova has now made more headlines than most Ruaka landlords—and that’s saying something.
Stay tuned. Stay nosy. And remember—if you see something, say something… or better yet, sip slowly and send it to us.
Letu jicho tu. 👀🫖
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